


They Who Hide Their Sadness

by Evaldrynn



Series: Se Brûler [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression mention, F/M, More tags as I go, Some heavy subjects coming, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:31:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8648329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evaldrynn/pseuds/Evaldrynn
Summary: They who hide their sadnessSeem bright and joyful stillLet life wash over bodies restlessAnd know that drown they will
But when they who hide their sadnessFind bones and skin to holdFeel Souls get pulled from deepest madnessAnd see grey will turn to gold





	1. A Second Impression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule number one: don't show what you feel.

A hiss escaped your lips as you disinfected the cut in your arm and wrapped it in linen bandages. The wound wasn’t deep and the scalpel that had slit through your flesh luckily hadn’t hit an important artery, but you didn’t want to risk getting an infection by being careless. The other cuts and scrapes were next in line and lastly the dried blood on your skin, which washed off rather easily. You couldn’t do much about the bruises. All together it wasn’t bad at all – though it could have been. 

You both vividly and vaguely remembered the moment. The rush of adrenaline and fear pounding through your body for just a fraction of second, the tight grip of unusually warm bones around your shoulders, Alphys’ high-pitched yell; it was all clear enough in your memory that you could feel your heart quiver softly in delayed shock – but the scene as a whole was nothing but flashes of grey, white, and blue. The only thing indubitable about that part was the result: you weren’t dead. If the skeleton, who had been in trouble only moments before, hadn’t used his magic to catch the microwave from crashing into you... Well, it wouldn’t have been pretty. 

But here you were, alive and well, using the first-aid kit while Alphys tried to clean up the mess. It was a strange sensation, your body, now that you were twice as aware of its fragility and twice as aware of your own mortality, and you couldn’t exactly describe the swirling emotions in your stomach – but there was one that stood out: relief. You were relieved to be alive.  
You had always thought that you would accept death when it was your time, whether that was tomorrow or in sixty years, but it hadn’t even crossed your mind; all you had felt was fear. Tears gathered at the corners of your eyes as the near-death experience and realisation started to properly sink in. Push them back, further, yet further, until the intensity of the emotions dimmed and you were able to control them again. Emotions weren’t necessary for your field, only a distraction. It was better to keep them contained and refrain from feeling them too much. 

“A-a-are you okay?” 

The soft voice pulled you back into reality and the glaze over your eyes fell away so they could focus on substantial matters again; like the worried, yellow dinosaur – or lizard? – monster in front of you. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I guess it’s just the shock or something.” You wiped away the tearstains, careful not to smudge your on-point eyeliner. 

“I-I’m sorry, this is all m-my fault-“ 

“No, no, it’s okay. I’m fine. The other guy is still alive, so yeah. I think we did pretty well. There’s nothing to apologise for.” You sent her a gentle smile. “How about you, did anything hit you?” You let your eyes glide over her uncovered face and hands as you searched for any cuts or bruises. 

“Oh n-no, I hid under the desk...” 

She looked guilty, ashamed, even, as if it was wrong of her to want to stay unharmed; but it was basic survival instinct. You lay your hand on her shoulder and smiled reassuringly. “I’m glad to hear you’re okay. Those books you have aren’t exactly soft when they hit you with that kind of speed.” A chuckle escaped your lips and you retracted your hand to gently rub over the growing black spot on your shoulder, where one of said books had collided with your body. It was better if you got hit than someone else, especially somebody as innocent and fragile as your boss. Her girlfriend would be devastated if Alphys dusted.

“Y-you were so cool, though! I bet your Soul is o-orange, or maybe red- have I told you about Soul colours yet?” And so Alphys was back to her old, rambling self. 

 

After cleaning up, separating broken from still useful, and putting everything back to its original spot – which took a couple of hours – the skeleton still hadn’t returned. There was a chance that he had gotten another seizure, and without you or Alphys around he could have hurt himself or others – but the worst case scenario would be losing control over is his magic, hurting or killing one or multiple humans, and giving the government the opportunity to lock his whole species up again. Worrying was useless, as you wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, so you pushed the thoughts away and tried to focus on finishing paperwork instead; but you found your mind backtracking over and over again. You turned to Alphys. 

“I have a quick question, if you don’t mind?” 

“S-sure, what is it?” 

“Have you heard anything from him yet? There is quite a high risk of getting another seizure, especially when the effect of the antidote wears off.” 

She fiddled with her hands. “N-no, I haven’t heard anything yet. I-I could try texting him?” 

You nodded. His Soul still needed to be examined, to see if the attack had left any serious damage. Monsters were fragile, after all.  
But after another hour of paperwork and studying he still hadn’t texted back. Alphys started to get a bit restless, the look in her eyes gaining more worry every minute - but the moment you stood up and picked up her phone from the desktop to do something about it, the skeleton arrived. 

“sorry it took so long, alphys. hope i didn’t make you worry?” He smiled, but you could see how realisation had struck him and how guilt had started to manifest itself. 

“I-it’s fine. How do you feel?” 

“haven’t had any other seizures.” 

He dodged the question with a perfect response, and he immediately piqued your interest. He didn’t feel fine – it wasn’t hard to see, the way his grin scrunched slightly at the question and the way he avoided all eye contact – yet he chose not to mention it, even after what must have been a traumatising experience. This wasn’t out of fear to show weakness, however. It was because Alphys already knew. 

“Okay, l-let's take a look at your Soul.” 

You put down the old Nokia phone, flipped the light switch off, and moved to the windows to close the blinds. The facility was situated at the end of the village, at the border of urban environment and vast forest climbing up the mountain, so privacy was always ensured; even with the blinds open as the windows of this particular room faced the tree line. You knew, however, that the idea alone of full invisibility to any unexpected passersby was comforting, and allowed them, whether ‘them’ were friends or clients, to relax. 

You joined Alphys’ side and answered the skeleton’s uneasy glance with a trained reassuring smile. It seemed to put him at ease a little. It felt slightly inappropriate to be excited, but you definitely were just that underneath the calm and collected surface – this was your first time seeing a real Soul, the thing you had been studying for about a week now. How could one not be thrilled? You had learned so much about them, and therefore about monsters, yet you hadn’t even seen your own. It wasn’t like Alphys didn’t want to show you – you just hadn’t asked her. So you watched intently as the monster in front of you separated his being from his body.

You weren’t sure what to think, or how to react. 

You knew monster Souls were like white, inverted hearts, made of Magic and some other things, and were said to shine so bright that they could light up the darkest nights – therefore dimmed light or complete darkness was best for examining them. But the faint glow coming from the greyish, cracked Soul in front of you was nowhere near that description. It quivered slightly and your eyes instinctively shot back up to his, catching his gaze and noticing the nervous glance in his eyes. He was afraid to be judged. You had trained yourself to the point where you could keep your face neutral in almost every situation you had come across up until now, but forcing yourself to smile warmly and without worry or pity was harder than expected. It was obvious that he saw straight through your weak attempt, and you mentally slapped yourself – you needed to get yourself together and show some damn professionalism. 

You tried to gauge Alphys’ reaction from the corner of your eye, and noticed that she had known about all of this as well. Did she know the cause? She wouldn’t tell you, that was for sure; no matter how curious you were – and you fully understood. Confidentiality was important, after all. But he, and especially his Soul, puzzled you to the point where you felt your curiosity could go too far, so you mentally hit yourself again and tamed your lust for knowledge like you had done many times before. You felt some things too strongly, dove too deeply into interests in a way that, in the end, left nothing but nostalgia; making you quietly wish that it could have lasted longer than it did. You would start on projects you were never going to finish, leaving prematurely discarded booklets and documents to pile up – first where you could see them, so you could pretend you were going to continue someday soon, only to be moved out of sight later, under the guise of cleaning your room and keeping them secure and organised. Thoughts about the continuation of these projects would slowly fade from your mind as other, more pressing things claimed your thoughts, dooming them to a destiny of being forgotten. It was better not to start, than to regret never finishing. It was better not to feel anything. 

“T-the attack hasn’t left any damage, but I-I advise you to rest well. Give your Soul t-the time to recover.” 

Alphys words confirmed your suspicions: all the cracks and lines had been there before the paroxysm. All of them. 

“thanks, alphys.”

The only source of light disappeared back into his chest, and to your surprise he turned to look at you again, glance now doubting but grateful. “and thank you too. For, y’know. that.” 

You nodded, a small, genuine smile forming on your lips this time. “Same to you, for saving my life.” 

“i guess we’re even.” Both of you chuckled softly, almost soundlessly. “i’m sans, sans the skeleton. Nice to meet ya, kid.”

“____. Nice to meet you too.” You shook his hand and an undignified sound filled the room, breaking the almost solemn atmosphere. Colour rose to your cheeks and embarrassment washed over you, eyes wide, until you let go and noticed the thing in the palm of his hand. Did he just-

Sans chuckled again. “you should see your face. heh, this thing always works.” 

A snort escaped you without your consent and you quickly covered your mouth and nose with your hand, even more embarrassed now than you had been moments ago. What a great second impression you must have made. But to your surprise – he kept surprising you, didn’t he? – his smile only grew and some kind of liveliness returned to his eyes, replacing a bit of the caution. You tried to keep your smiling to a minimum, forced your face to cool down, willed all emotion away, and cleared your throat. 

“Shall I open the blinds again?” 

He nodded, your boss nodded, and you turned your back to the two of them to make your way to the windows again. 

 

 

Alphys noticed how his eyes lingered for just a bit longer, and something sparked in her being.  
Maybe there was still hope for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, as promised! A SansxReader fic with absolutely no story plot in mind! :D I hope I can make something up before I write too much, or this fic might end up never being finished. 
> 
> I put this as part 3 of the Se Brûler series as the Reader has been introduced in Chapter 31 of the first part. Keep in mind, this is a different Reader than the one who is in love with Grillby. 
> 
> I will try to switch between the Afterstory and this fic, but there might be quite some time between uploads. Sorry about that! I still hope you enjoy reading the fics ^-^


	2. A Masterplan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule number two: don't say what you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy! It might be a while before I upload another chapter again.

The start of yet another day, spring slowly getting closer and closer to summer with every fall and rise of the sun. You longed for the winter. The bright yellows and vibrant greens felt too happy, too pressing and too forced to suit your mood. You craved the soft greys, the gentle whites and calming blues of winter; the colours that seemed to subdue instead of provoke, that smoothened the sharp edges to the harsh contrasts of obnoxiously present shades. 

You turned the key and the lock clicked, allowing you to push the door open and step inside. 

Most people loved summer – preferred it over winter, even. Playing children, laughter echoing through the streets, the warmth of rays of sunlight beaming down from a seemingly endless and violently blue sky; how could one not fall in love with such peaceful sceneries? But it only reminded you of how much happier everyone appeared to be compared to you. 

You strode down the halls coated in the pinks and reds of the rising sun filtering through the large windows. It was still early, the majority of the city was still fast asleep; but the building seemed to welcome you. 

You didn’t tell them, of course, that that was the reason behind your own preference of winter. You didn’t wish for their pitiful glares or their words of wisdom. You weren’t unhappy, just... not fully content. Maybe you wanted too much – or too less. The goals you had set in life had long since faded to the background, and you had given up on most things that had only proved to hurt you. But wasn’t that what all sane people did? Getting rid of the hurtful things? Then how come you didn’t feel alive? Maybe... maybe you weren’t sane. Or maybe just different.

The door to the lab glided open with a soft swoosh, and the familiarity of the cold blues of the lab greeted you with open arms. Alphys wouldn’t be here for another hour. 

But where summer was like serotonin or dopamine, winter was like melatonin. A dream, a step out of reality. It was like peacefully drowning in unfelt water, or like slowly sinking into the embrace of the earth itself. Maybe you were just mentally rambling, or maybe it was too early to be thinking about such conceptual things, but it was okay. No one could hear you anyway. Your thoughts were yours and yours alone, a personal world of words and images linked to emotions, memories, and sensations, a speck of privacy in a world where nothing could possibly be private anymore. A nonexistent dimension where you could be yourself and feel safe at the same time. Where you couldn’t be hurt. 

After preparing for your patients you started on the paperwork, but each time you tried to focus it seemed to slip right through your fingers and the swirling patterns of linked and unlinked thoughts returned. But who could blame you, honestly. You lay your hand on the cut in your arm that had started throbbing the moment you had turned your attention towards it. Yesterday’s affairs were not of the kind one could easily forget, but the shock had soon turned to fascination, which had only grown since you had seen his Soul. Magic was such a puzzling, wonderfully interesting subject that could stir op the studious part of your personality with every snippet you learned like throwing gasoline on a bonfire. 

Secretly you were a tiny bit jealous. That skeletal monster was only one example of many, but one of the first you had witnessed firsthand. Not only had he made all kinds of objects float and fly at incredibly high velocity almost directly out of a momentum of motionlessness, he had also teleported away after the examination Alphys had performed to see if the seizure had left any lasting damage. Teleportation was no longer a part of science-fiction or the hopes of an easier future; it was real now. _Real_ real. How did it work? Did it work specifically and exclusively for him or could he take others with him? Or objects? Did it truly no damage to his body? He didn’t have any internal – or external – organs to be damaged yet it must have some kind of side-effect, right? What did it feel like? And what would happen if he and another monster teleported to the exact same spot at the exact same time? 

You huffed a soft curse and stood up; trying to do shit with your mind running like that just wouldn’t work. Instead, you made your way over to the small kitchen and filled the electric tea kettle with water. The coffee here was absolutely horrific, but the tea was doable. If only you remembered to buy some coffee-to-go at the little café you passed on your way to work every morning, the problem would be solved, but alas. Maybe next time. 

 

Minutes crept by and you managed to check a few more tasks on your to-do list, yet when the soft shifting of the air announced Alphys’ arrival you didn’t feel relieved. Not that you weren’t glad to see her, because you were – besides your boss she was a good friend of yours – but you enjoyed the silence and the emptiness in the early mornings. 

“G-good morning!”

“Good morning, Alphys.” 

She quickly made her way over to you and the desk behind you. “Are you ready f-for your patients?” She searched her memory for the things that she needed to set up for her research this afternoon, then spotted the equipment on the tabletop and concluded that everything was there, ready to use. 

“I’ve prepared everything that needed to be prepared. I didn’t get far with the paperwork, though.”

“You’re great! Good l-luck today, if there’s anything you need-“ 

“I’ll come to you.” Your trained smile was reassuring, but empty. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” 

And you did, Alphys knew you did – but she also knew about the squashed hope and tamed disappointment that hid behind your calm composure and kind glance. You had been taking care of the non-magic related patients for quite some time now and you had been so curious at first, so eager to learn more - but that curiosity had slowly faded as the same cases presented themselves over and over again and the things to study quickly ran out. You always found something else to be wordlessly excited about, but few as thoroughly exciting you. It was like seeing the light of a Soul slowly grow dimmer, and Alphys knew how true that simile might be. 

She knew how badly you wanted to learn about magic and its uses, but most monsters didn’t quite know themselves how and what they did. No, you needed a tutor, a proper scientist to explain the details. She would love nothing more than to teach you, she truly did, but her research required almost all of her time. This strain of magical virus, one she had discovered less than two months ago, could be a scientific breakthrough – the start of a whole new generation of drugs. You had been so thrilled; yet when the realisation dawned on you that you knew too little to be of any help you had returned to your patients, understanding how much of a priority this was over your own academic advancements. It had killed yet another small piece of you, and Alphys had thought that it had been the last bit of excitement she would see from you until the time came she could help you learn about magic. 

And yet...  
That look you had had in your eyes when you saw a Soul for the first time – she couldn’t get it out of her mind. It was like seeing someone who she had thought to have faded from existence a long time ago suddenly appear in front of her, like seeing a rose unexpectedly bloom in winter, or like an old bulb suddenly finding its light while the batteries had been thought to be dead. How relieved she had felt!

Most days Alphys could only guess your feelings or thoughts without any way of finding out whether her guesses were true – you hid them too well, keeping everything behind a wall that let only fragments shine through a crack and into the outside world. She had wondered many times what had made you like this. And in that moment you laid eyes upon a Soul, if only for a fraction of a second, the wall had disappeared. And only moments later, it happened again: 

Sans had been able to make you laugh. 

Alphys had wanted to clap her hands in pure delight, pure _relief_. If you could still laugh, then things could be all right, right? Things could get better for you, right? She knew you weren’t happy, no matter how much you smiled or how kind and strong you stayed in even the hardest of situations. She could see it in your eyes, as the look in them reminded her of her past self. You had protected Sans with your life like it didn’t matter to you whether it was taken from you or not; and if you were anything like Alphys had been, she knew that was exactly what you felt like – alive or dead, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. 

She hadn’t dared to ask you about it, however. What could she possibly do to help? She didn’t get out of her own shit by herself – she had Undyne do it for her, and she could in no way be the person for you like Undyne had been to her. 

Wait... 

She remembered how Sans had looked at you when you snorted at his silly trick, and how his eyes had lingered when you turned to open the blinds. He was still heartbroken, but there was hope. Maybe, now that he was more vulnerable, there was a chance for someone to break through his defence – and what if that someone was you? What if you could be his Undyne, and he yours? What if you both could be happy again? 

It was a magnificent plan – a true masterpiece, if she was allowed to say so herself, but there were multiple aspects that needed further thinking. How was she going to get the two together? What if you two didn’t like each other at all, or if you weren’t open to interracial relationships, and she had miscalculated it all? What if it only made their darkness grow? Tiny variables that could throw the whole plan off of its course and doom it to fail. 

But doing nothing wouldn’t help either. She could at least try _something_ , before you went further than Alphys had gone. Before you, as a figure of speech, jumped off the edge of the waterfall, like she had wanted to do only a year ago. No, she needed to prevent that. You might not always show what you feel or act like who you truly are, but you were a friend, Alphys was your friend, and friends helped each other. She couldn’t stand to see you like this any longer. 

If she wanted for this to work, it shouldn’t be too obvious – the whole matchmaking part of the plan should be disguised, like the well-crafted trap in Mew Mew Kissie Cutie season two episode four. It needed to be logical, believable, so that neither you nor Sans would find out before it was too late – or at all, preferably. She felt like an idea was trying to get through but was just beyond her reach, when suddenly it hit her. 

Sans was a scientist, wasn’t he? And his magic was one of the most powerful kinds she had ever seen, right? This was great! Perfect! Oh god she was already starting to fangirl, this was such a cute romance trope – but she quickly pushed it back and focussed on her research again. 

 

As soon as the door shut behind the last client you let out a sigh. The day was done, and it was time for you to go home. Not that your secluded cottage in the woods felt like home, but alas, you had nowhere else to go. Staying here was no option as sleeping in a bed that was reserved for patients was just plain weird, and staying at a friend’s place felt like misusing their hospitality. So, ‘home’ it was. 

Your heels clicked softly against the tiled floor with every step towards the coat rack, and every next step you hesitated more. What if you could just... stay a little while longer, do some more paperwork or prepare for Monday? You could reorganise all the files, or clean the place up a bit? The sound of Alphys clearing her throat awoke you from your thoughts. 

“Hey, uhm, about magic-“ She had your undivided attention, “- would it be okay if someone else taught you? I-I-I don’t think I have the time, but I think I know someone else who might!”

It took a few seconds for it to hit home. “T-that would be absolutely amazing! Are you... are you sure you can afford to hire someone else, though?” 

There was worry in your eyes, but hope too. It almost broke Alphys’ heart to see you both cling to it and try to repress it at the same time. “It’ll be fine, a-as long as you help as many patients as you normally do.” 

And you practically flew at her, pulling her up into a tight embrace and turning a full 360 degrees on your feet. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise you: you won’t regret this. Once I know everything there’s to know I’ll help you with your research, and we’ll get that breakthrough in no time!” 

After exchanging a last goodbye, you headed home;  
this time with a smile on your face and a sparkle in your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda know where I want this story to go, but yeah, expect no mind-dazzling plot or anything. I still hope you will enjoy it, though!


	3. A Slip-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule number three: try not to make a fool of yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while, but here it is! Your comments motivated me so much to keep writing - they helped me to get out of my writers' block and enjoy the 'world of words' again. Truly, I appreciate you guys more than you might imagine. Thank you <3

You were no morning person, even though Alphys would often object to that statement – how else could you arrive so early at work each and every day, and without being grumpy or easily irritated? But it was true. Getting out of bed was painfully difficult, a struggle each day as your mind tried to convince you that it wasn't worth it, that it was okay to just fall back into worlds of distorted reality. Yet you knew that, if you allowed yourself to succumb to that voice even once, it would be the start of an even darker chapter in your life. So again and again, morning after morning and week after week, you forced your body into action so that you might start another day.  
It was tiring, but sadly hibernation still wasn't socially acceptable. 

After taking a moment to pick an outfit that was both professional and comfortable, brushing your hair, and even applying a bit of makeup, you willed your legs to take you to the kitchen so you could make yourself some breakfast – but with every step you took a new excuse presented itself in your mind. Call in sick, don't go and text Alphys you accidentally overslept, tell her your family called in with an emergency, say you got hit gently by a car and are taking a while off to recover – but you pushed them away with reason and with guilt. You couldn't let Alphys hanging like that. Besides, you had already forced yourself out of bed; it would only take just a little bit more willpower to get you to work. 

That urge to go back to bed, heavy like a stone in your gut, wouldn't leave for another couple of hours. It never left soon. Not while making tea, not while drinking it, not while putting on your coat and not even while walking through the morning mist as your feet took you in the right direction, mind wandering to the hazy bits and pieces of last night's dreams. Yet you still hadn't gotten used to it. The feeling was like a nagging voice in the back of your head, resurfacing when you lost your focus or when your mind wasn't occupied. Strange, how all of your enemies were essentially _you_.

You pushed the thought away and tried to move your attention to the sound of your footfalls on the pavement. Early birds had already started their songs and a tiny layer of dew covered every plant and every object in sight. It was beautiful how everything glistened in those first rays of sunshine, how everything reflected the array of colours that occupied the sky; yet for some kind of reason you found that you were unable to truly enjoy it. You hated yourself for it. 

You let out a sigh and cleared your mind yet again. The need for coffee seemed to surface earlier every day. After only a couple of seconds sulking over another caffeine-less day you realised that this morning the urge had actually arrived just in time: the little cafe was just around the corner. You let out a short huff of disbelieving laughter as you noticed that this play of fate actually made you excited, of all things, and ignored how foreign the tiny, genuine smile felt on your lips as you entered through the glass door. 

 

The aroma of coffee welcomed you while the soft cremes and browns of the interior enveloped your body and mind alike. It was warm, devoid of people, silent apart from the soft tunes playing in the background, and the serenity of it all gave the place some kind of universal atmosphere of belonging. With tiny cacti adorning the tables and unlit candles waiting to serve their purpose there was too much for your eyes to explore as you walked over to the counter, allowing the baritone voice of the guy behind it to catch you off guard. 

“didn't think i'd see you here.” The pinpricks of light in his sockets took in your surprised expression before you quickly smoothed your face to a more neutral position. 

“Same to you.”

It was strange, seeing a patient outside of the hospital or lab, maybe even awkward. You weren't necessarily expected to stay in your role as a doctor or an examiner, yet any kind of personal conversations like one would have with a friend or acquaintance felt unprofessional and advised against – so you simply decided not to speak much at all and simply ordered your drink. 

He turned to get your order ready and you found yourself staring at his back. Apart from that rather hectic day you hadn't seen a skeleton monster before. Were they common? Rare? What did their anatomy look like, and did it have similarities to the skeletal structure of humans? You had only shook his hand and had been too distracted by his... well, trickery, that you hadn't paid any attention to how his phalanges stuck together. And then there was his skull – it was so animated to the point you felt almost baffled: he could grin, scrunch his face, raise an eyebrow (or... supraorbital ridge?) and you guessed that was only the beginning of a long list of facial expressions and more.  
The answer for almost all of your questions was most definitely 'magic', but, of course, that wasn't enough for you. You were a scientist, after all. 

“see somethin' ya like?”

All previous thoughts and speculations were gone and your mind filled up with others in an instant. He was still facing away from you; had you really been staring so intensely that he had actually felt it? You had heard of it, of course, and sure, you had felt watched a couple of times too in your life, but there had never seemed to be someone there and you had classified the feeling as a form of paranoia. Was there actually a notion of truth to it?  
Oh wait, that was a question – did he expect an answer? What could you possibly say? A simple 'no' might offend him, and 'yes, I find the mystery of your skeletal structure rather intriguing' would make you sound like a total dork. Not that you weren't, of course, because you totally were just a giant dork, but it wouldn't be professional at all to acknowledge that in front of a patient. But before you had been able to choose your words carefully, your mouth had already started speaking. 

“I-I eh- wh- ? I, uhm - … Sorry?” 

Great, good job. How could you have messed this up? You were usually so good with finding words and responding quickly and correctly to most situations; had you really fallen to the point where you could only sputter incoherent syllables and nonsensical sentences? You could feel embarrassment starting to colour your cheeks red, but before you could reprimand yourself further, he turned around and chuckled. 

“don't worry 'bout it, pal. can't help it that i look so skull-smashingly good, either.” 

Add a wink to the list of animated facial expressions. By Darwin, he sure knew how to make a situation even more awkward. Wait... was that a skeleton pun? The urge to chuckle rose but you were still so confused that it didn't quite surface – and neither did your ability to respond, either.  
His expression softened, and his grin shifted from teasing to assuring. 

“just messin' with ya. here's your order.”

You took the coffee from him, still silent, but you didn't turn and leave – as you probably should have. Instead, you blurted out something that was unnecessary and completely uncalled for. 

“Watch what you say, or next time you might get a _skele-ton_ of compliments.” 

He was silent, disbelief written all over his face. You were silent, ultimate horror and embarrassment quietly but thoroughly settling in the pit of your stomach. This was it. You could never look this patient in his eyes again. You would need to transfer him to Alphys, or transfer yourself away to another job because _how in the world_ could you ever look him in his eyes again?

And then he burst out laughing. His booming voice filled the whole room as he smacked his hand on the counter, actual tears forming in his eye sockets and face scrunched up in absolute mirth. 

How was this- what- ?  
He was laughing. You had made him laugh. Your silly, dumb reply had made him laugh. You didn't understand. The horror was still there, much like the embarrassment, but mixed with the disbelief came some kind of... fulfillment, as well, if one could call it that. You had been able to make someone laugh, and in turn it made you feel light and even a bit more confident. You had never really been the funny one – sure, the dry one or the sarcastic one sometimes, but you couldn't remember the last time you had made someone slap themselves or an object out of pure loss of control. Yet here he was, grinning like an idiot and lightly panting to catch his breath after his jovial outburst. 

“i'm sorry, I just –“ he wiped away a nearly-shed tear, “usually that's my pun, y'know. but you were actually one step ahead from me. i didn't see it coming.” 

“Probably because you don't have actual eyes.” You replied dryly, eyes scanning his face as if conducting an experiment. And in one way or another it was. 

He let out a baritone laugh again, full and genuine, and he shook his head – you believed it was partly in agreement of your statement and partly in disbelief. 

“you really know how to tickle my funny bone.” 

You let out a snort, quickly covered it up with a fake cough, and hid your tiny smile behind your hands under the pretense of blocking the germs. You quickly got your face back under control but the feeling of joy lingered, and the horror had partly vanished. Maybe you were funny, after all. The concept was so strange, yet so... nice. You didn't quite know the right words for it. Suddenly you remembered that you needed to get to work and that this _really_ wasn't appropriate.

“I have to get to work.” You quickly grabbed your wallet and put the money you owed, plus a small tip, on the counter. “Thank you for the coffee.”

You quickly turned, but as you got closer to the exit your pace became more hesitant. You stood in front of the door for a moment, hand resting on the handle and ready to grant you access to the world outside, yet you still felt... reluctant, maybe, to go to work. Was there any harm in staying a little longer? Letting the smell of coffee fill your lungs for a few more minutes? Surely it couldn't be bad for you to feel a little bit more confident and socially adept for a short while? But then again... what if he changed his mind, and you became an annoyance instead?

 

He scanned your back, hoping to find some kind of clue as to what made you shift moods so quickly. When you came in he had been able to read your face like an open book: curious, exploring, at ease – and then he had to go and ruin it. As soon as you had recognised his voice some kind of shield had pulled up, and it had suddenly been much harder to read your emotions. Sure, it intrigued him, but he had liked the sparkle in your eyes, the tiny gap between your lips as if to taste the scented air, and he had made it vanish just by speaking. He felt almost bitter at the thought of going back in time to change his decision and to watch you instead. Not that he was able to, however. Traveling through time lines had been the kid's thing, after all.  
And just now, you had closed yourself off again. He had been pleasantly surprised – if not slightly shocked – at your witty replies, especially since they had contained his favourite form of humor, and he would have been able to go on for hours and hours just trying to make you laugh and allowing you to make him laugh in turn, but without warning you had pulled up that invisible wall and turned away. It almost felt unfair. 

But you weren't gone yet; you were standing in front of the glass door, not staring at your reflection or even at anything beyond the glass. It couldn't have been his teasing or the puns, right? Could it have been his fault? What had he done wrong? He felt hopelessness suddenly surge through him and he felt the need to call out your name, to apologise, to ask questions until he knew for sure it hadn't been him who upset you. But he couldn't, could he? The two of you were strangers. A doctor and a patient, accidentally meeting without an appointment.

But maybe... maybe you needed for him to break through that barrier of official roles. Because who else would dare to? 

“hey, uh... are you okay?” 

“I'm fine!” 

Too fast. A fraction of a second too fast, like an automated response. Nevertheless it did seem to pull you back to your senses as you thanked him once again for the coffee in a professional and composed tone, before swiftly disappearing through the door and leaving a silence that felt more pressing than it previously had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


	4. A Reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule number four: don't get attached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this ocean of inspiration doesn't evaporate! Please enjoy another chapter <3

You arrived, as always, way before Alphys did, and started on preparations and paperwork. In many ways, this morning was the same as all the others, yet at the same time it was completely different. Sure, you had coffee, but this time it was actually really good and didn't make you feel like you were poisoning your body, and sure, there were always lots of things on your mind – but never like this.  
It was still some kind of a slight shock to you that you had been able to make someone laugh, not just once but multiple times in a row, and your mind had already started to look for logical explanations that proved it wasn't really because you were funny. It could be that monsters, due to their instinctive kindness, were more receptive to jokes; or that he had just laughed as to keep you from being embarrassed about your dumb replies. Maybe he pitied you. Maybe, as soon as you had turned your back, the fake mirth had vanished and pity and disgust had taken its place. 

And somehow, this time thinking hurt more than it had before. A dull ache in the center of your thorax made you nauseous. Did it really matter that much to you? Someone laughing at your jokes? Did you really want to be funny that bad? Of course it felt good to make someone smile, but it was not really a skill you needed for the profession you had taken on – if anything, it would be cruel and unnecessary to throw a joke at someone who had just been in an accident or something. No, the only way in which you were allowed to make people smile was through offering good and respectable services, and putting them at ease so you could take care of them and their wounds or illnesses. Curing diseases and splinting an arm so that it could be properly used again were things that mattered. That's what made people happy in the long run. 

Yet... if it made you happy to make someone laugh once in a while, why deny yourself that? If it didn't hurt anyone if would be fine, right? But what if your jokes were tasteless or ill-received? What if people's opinions of you would drop, making them whisper to each other behind your back? 

_'She's the one who tries to be funny right?' 'Yeah...' 'It's almost sad that she doesn't realise how much everyone dislikes her. She really should get the hint sometime.'_

Your heart contracted painfully. People's opinions of you really shouldn't matter that much. You shouldn't care about their thoughts and judgments. They didn't know you like you knew you, anyway. Their conclusions could never be valid without proper research.  
Empty sentences like that kept running through your mind – empty, as they didn't seem to change your sentiments. Was it human instinct? Was it just you being weak? God, you hated over-thinking things. It really wasn't that big of a deal, and you just _had_ to go and make an issue of it, didn't you? Why couldn't you just be a normal functioning human being for once? Why couldn't you just shut up for once in a damn while? Why couldn't you just be someone else? 

“Good morning!” 

You jumped, hitting your elbow against the desk and letting out a soft hiss at the violent contact, followed by a sigh. “Good morning, Alphys.” 

S-sorry, d-d-did I startle you? I should have knocked-” 

“It's fine, don't worry.” You sent her a reassuring smile. “I was just... spacing out.” 

Alphys kept silent for a moment, just studying your face with a glance that seemed to hold some sadness. Was it aimed at you? Was something going on with her and Undyne? 

“Hey, is everything okay?” You stood up and slowly walked over to her, unable to keep the worry from seeping into your voice. But as soon as the sentence registered, the sadness disappeared in a flash and made way for genuine excitement. 

“More than okay, actually!” She fidgeted with her hands, averted her gaze for a moment before locking your eyes again – and this time hers seemed to be sparkling. “Undyne and I have b-been shopping for our dresses – though we e-eventually agreed on her wearing a suit instead – and we found this l-lovely little shop that has the prettiest things! I found a d-dress almost immediately but Undyne doesn't want to look u-until the actual wedding day, s-so I was wondering if you could tell me whether it really is as pretty as I hope!” 

Your eyes widened and a smile found its way onto your lips. “I would love to! When did you have in mind? We can go after work today?” Saturdays were short days after all, as the afternoons were reserved for appointments with monsters or humans that just couldn't come on any other weekday – and most could, which usually left quite some time to finish paperwork, to clean up, or to just go home early.

“O-oh no, n-now that you mention it, I totally forgot to ask you if you were f-free on Saturday afternoons! I hired your tutor from four to eight without even asking you – oh my god, I'm so sorry, I -” 

You let out a soft laugh and gently lay a hand on her shoulder. “Don't worry Alphys. Even if I weren't free on Saturday afternoons, I would have made time for this. I'm really thankful that you hired someone, and I can't wait to start my studies on magic. Which day will I start?” 

“W-well, uhm, today, actually! That's why we can't go to my place for the dress after work. And you stay pretty late on most other days... I-it's not that you need to come, though, i-if you don't have the time!” 

“How about tomorrow, then?” 

Alphys fidgeted again. “B-but that's your only day off...” 

“It's fine, I don't have any plans anyway.” 

“Alright, then uh... then you're welcome to come to our house tomorrow!” Her eyes were sparkling again, and you couldn't help but smile. 

 

For most of the morning, you and Alphys did your own thing in separate parts of the lab. Sometimes one of you would need something from another room and a conversation would spark up if neither of you was too focused, or a patient would need two pairs of hands to help them out; but it wasn't common, and in so the minutes between patients you were left to the mercy of your thoughts. Needless to say, you felt stressed and tired at the end of it all. 

“Try not to use your hand too much and refrain from lifting things for a while, just to give it some rest. The pain should be gone in one or two weeks.” 

“Thank you!”

“No problem at all. If you have any questions feel free to email or call us.” 

You waved the last patient off with a gentle smile, but dropped it as soon as they were out the door and sank back into your chair with a sigh. Your neck hurt like hell and your head was killing you, and the only thing keeping you from being swallowed by your thoughts had just disappeared down the hallway. All patients were gone, you had been out of good coffee for quite some time, and all paperwork had been done – the only thing left to do was to wait for your instructor. As much as you looked forward to it, you weren't much of a fan of waiting; it gave your mind too much space to wander.

But not long after Alphys as left, an unexpected guest arrived. And you didn't notice it. 

He watched you as you sat hunched over, hands in your neck, and elbows – of which one of them was freshly bruised – resting on the desktop. Your eyes were half-lidded, staring beyond anything, and your face was scrunched up in a frown that seemed almost painful. You seemed so... vulnerable. Fragile, even, and he knew that this wasn't a part of you that you allowed anyone to see. You were still under the impression that you were alone, so you allowed your walls to fall; allowed your pains to surface and allowed yourself to tend to your wounds – be they mentally or physically. He could tell all of this just by looking at you, not just because it was all so painfully obvious from the look in your eyes and from how differently you acted when someone else was in the room, but also because he recognised parts of himself in it. He knew what you must be feeling – well, he could have an educated guess at it. There was still so much about you that was a mystery, though – but now was not the time to think of that. He stepped forward, closer. 

“hey kid.” 

And, as expected, you shot up – and so did your walls; hiding your thoughts and deeper feelings from the outside world. Your surprise was a reflex, but also appropriate for the situation and therefore didn't need hiding. Yet... there was something else too. Something you wanted to push away, to keep behind bars, but didn't quite manage to. Was it embarrassment? A strange kind of fear? It was on the tip of his tongue (well, if he would have had one) but he just couldn't put his finger on it. In the meanwhile you had composed yourself. 

“Good afternoon, I didn't expect to see you so soon again. Your appointment isn't for another four days – or did you want to talk to Alphys? I'm afraid she's already left.” 

He let out a sigh. “so she didn't tell you, huh?” 

You blinked. “Tell me what?” 

“i'm your teacher. y'know, for magic and stuff?” 

You stared at him for a second, that strange emotion he couldn't quite figure out still – if not more intense - in your eyes. Did he really make you that uncomfortable? Was it because of his jokes this morning? Once again you managed to find your resolve. Well, sort of. He could easily tell that you were struggling between being excited about the lessons and not knowing what to think of a patient being your tutor. The reply he got, however, was not one he had been expected.

“I look forward to the lessons, then.” 

And you smiled. 

It was now his turn to be silent for just a tad too long, needing to get himself together again before he could speak. The smile had seemed genuine, and it had caught him off guard pretty bad. But hadn't that been his goal in the first place, after meeting you? Making you smile more? You definitely seemed like you needed it, and if it was within his power, then why not? 

“all right, let's get started.”

 

It was strange at first, of course, with the embarrassment and anxious thoughts running through your head, but soon the subject swallowed you whole and your focus was found again. You were finally allowed to look in the private stash of books that Alphys kept in the research part of the lab, and Sans guided you through the chapters he thought were okay to begin with. Most of the things you already knew, such as the history of magic and the differences between that of monsters and that of mages; yet the way he told about it, his voice animated and hands caught up in gestures that betrayed his expertise, how could it not enthuse you? Within an hour you had pages and pages full of written notes and tiny drawings, and you felt better than ever. 

“so that's how it all kinda started, as far as we know; tho the true 'birth' of magic might never become known. it might have been a line of mutations in genomic dna, which is the most likely theory of the ones out there, but it can't be confirmed.” 

“Yet there are so many types of magic I've heard of... It must be inheritable in one way or another, but I wonder if it could cross-breed?” 

“well, it's true that every type of monster seems to possess its own type of magic, and that the child of two different types of monsters often has a different type of magic; but there are quite a few exceptions to the rule where the child 'inherited' the magic of one of its parents.” 

“So it could be that magic works with degrees of dominance, right? Maybe most types are either incompletely dominant or co-dominant, so that the child will get a mixture or a different type of magic, whereas some types are completely dominant and others recessive, which would explain the inheriting of the same type of magic.”

“exactly, but we can't know for sure until we conduct a full-fledged study with enough participants to make it representative of the whole population - yet if we don't know what causes the magic, whether it has to do with dna or the unexplained properties of souls, then it's likely our research won't go very far and we won't be able to even get close to something like a conclusion.”

He studied your face, waiting for the disappointment to appear in your eyes, but when you stopped writing and met his gaze your eyes were sparkling instead and his breath caught for a moment. There was so much curiosity, so much passion, and while speaking you had almost never stopped smiling – even if it was just the slight rising of one corner of your mouth. It was as if you had transformed into a completely different person; like someone had wiped away the dust and the sunlight was able to make the underlying layer of gold shimmer brightly again. 

And honestly, the same might be true for he himself. It felt great to talk about science stuff with someone again. It had been so long that he had forgotten about it, that he had practically left this side of him to rot away in a repressed part of his memory; but your eager questions and lust for knowledge had made it all rush back to the surface. He remembered how much fun he had had, studying physics, biology, and maths in the lab. Getting his science degrees – which, sadly, weren't of great worth above ground – had been such milestones in his career, in his _life_ , and he remembered how full of purpose he had felt – yet all of it had lost its importance, of course, after the kid had shown up for the first time. And it was all downhill from there. 

“It's okay, we don't need such a major breakthrough right away. Sure, it'd be fun and more than welcome, but it's the little things that count as well. Baby steps are still a way to move forwards.” 

Slowly, his grin grew wider, and respect rose in his being. He knew his younger self would have been frustrated to the core, throwing more and more of himself into the project until either a colleague stopped him or his body caved under exhaustion; but you... you seemed so wise, knowing well that sometimes less was more. He wondered how many people knew this side of you. He wondered how many times you had been praised for your wisdom. It was strange how human society praised knowledge more than wisdom. 

“you're right. thanks, bud.”

“...For what?” 

“for reminding me of something I had forgotten quite some time ago.” 

You studied him, not really sure what to say. “Well... if it means that much to you, I wouldn't mind to remind you of it every once in a while.” To you it seemed like a silly offer, but his eyesockets widened and he nodded, grin almost disbelieving. 

“i... i'd appreciate that.”

You nodded. “Sure thing.” 

And when you smiled at him again, eyes still sparkling with excitement and figure caressed by the light of the setting sun, he felt more confused than he ever had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


	5. An Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule number five: don't let things get personal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for taking so long ;-;  
> It's just that I'm back in Loki hell, and in three weeks time I've reached a hundred pages on a LokixReader fic still stored on my harddrive. Yeah, I'm pretty obsessed.
> 
> So the good news is that I'm still writing, the bad news is that it's a completely different fic from a completely different fandom. I will not give up on this one or the Afterstory, though! I hope I can ask a little bit more patience of you, my dearest, kindest, loveliest readers who already are the most patient people in the entire world because I can't upload regularly like a normal person lol. (╥﹏╥)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others!

“Your type of magic is telekinesis, right?” You looked over your shoulder as you poured two cups of coffee. 

Sans answered your gaze, slight surprise in his eyes. “how did you know?” 

“The day you had a seizure.” 

“ah, the day i nearly dropped a microwave on your head.” 

You tried to keep yourself from grinning. “If my life hadn't been in danger I would have studied your magic right then and there.”

“heh, sorry 'bout that-” 

“Long forgiven,” you interrupted him, “but I would still like to study it, if that's okay with you? Not that I don't love discussing theoretics, because I really do, but I think that talking about it and seeing it might be two completely different learning experiences.” You paused for a second, and met his eyes again. “It's fine if you don't want to, though, as I have no idea how personal magic is to you or to monsters in general.” 

“it's fine. Monster children demonstrate their magic to each other on a daily basis, there's nothing personal about it.” 

You walked back to him and handed him his drink, before sitting down on the desk opposite of him and cocking your head to the side in unconscious expression of your curiosity. “So how do you do it?” 

“that's not really a question i can answer...” He thought for a moment, letting out a tentative, baritone hum. “it's almost like walking or waving, like moving muscles. i can activate and control it – well, most of the time – and i can deactivate it, all without thinking twice 'bout it.” He held up the palm of his hand and stared at it, as if the answers could be found in the lines between his phalanges. 

It was your turn to let out a soft 'hm' as you thought. “We can't monitor your brain activity, for obvious reasons -” Sans chuckled, “ - but we might be able to notice shifts in the energy fields around you... Or maybe alterations in the magnetic fields? We could also set up a heat sensor, just to see if that changes...” 

The skeleton nodded. “how about we get something to eat first? i'm starving.”

You tried to keep the corners of your mouth down and nodded. “There's absolutely no meat left on your bones.” 

He chuckled again, a bit surprised at the sudden but casual pun. Science had made you warm up to him a bit, he had observed, as you had slowly stopped talking as formally as you normally did, and you had even let your shoulders fall from straight and professional to a more comfortable position; but he wondered if you even noticed it. He also wondered if he was the only one you opened up to. It was a strange thought, and he doubted if it was a realistic one, but there was still some kind of wall that kept you from truly, genuinely smiling and laughing. What had made you this way? What had made it necessary for you to shield yourself from the world? Was it possible for him to get it down completely?

He waited for you to put on your coat, feeling his Soul quiver in anticipation when you looked at him with confusion in your eyes, and eagerly waited for the question that was inevitably to come. And he was right. 

“Don't you have a coat? It can get quite chilly in the evening-” that's when you realised your mistake. 

“the cold goes -” you groaned, and his grin only grew, “ -right through me.” 

You couldn't help the chuckle that escaped your lungs, but you shook your head and zipped up your jacket over your smile. “I should have seen that one coming, shouldn't I?” 

“from miles away.” 

 

 

After a few minutes of walking you realised you had no idea where the two of you were going. “Hey, uhm, where...?” 

“muffet's parlor. do you know it?” 

“No, I...” You didn't go out very often. Or at all, actually. The only times you left your house were either to go to work, to go to the grocery store, or to take a walk through the woods; but admitting something like that would make you seem like a total weirdo, and he might not be as open with you anymore afterwards. “I don't come in this part of town very often.” Not a lie, just not fully the truth.

Even though you still felt a bit awkward, as he was still your patient and you were still his doctor, you liked conversing with him. To meet someone just as passionate about science as you filled a tiny part of the empty space inside of you, and when that person could make you want to laugh again – well, that was like winning the lottery, honestly. You had never thought that puns would be part of your humor and yet here you were, waiting for him to either initiate one or to provide a situation in which you could respond with one. Being clever with words, twisting a meaning of a sentence or an idiom for a humorous effect; it was fun, and it distracted you from thinking too much about the wrong things. 

“it's around this corner. got some tasty stuff.” 

 

Sans didn't dare go back to Grillby's for a while. Sure, the bartender was still his friend, he had confessed, and She was probably still in the hospital, but it didn't feel right. There was something that just made his stomach twist when he thought about sitting at that bar again. It saddened him, though. He had always found comfort at Grillby's, both during his time in the Underground and this last year on the Surface, and having lost the nerve to go there felt like he had lost a part of himself. Not that there was much left of him, he thought bitterly. 

The little bell ringed when the two of you stepped through the door, and your eyes grew slightly wider. The classic glass pastry display on the right was filled with baked goods, the table in the middle of the room was decorated with glass domes in different shapes and of different heights that contained all kinds of sweets as well, and the smell that filled your lungs was simply amazing. You didn't recognise all of the things, but you were definitely willing to try them. The whites and lavenders gave the place both something calm and something playful, maybe even something cute too, and you mentally slapped yourself for not coming here sooner. 

You scanned the colourful array of sweet foods. “It all looks so delicious...” 

“Thank you, dearie!” 

You shot back up, immediately finding the speaker behind the counter and sending her a smile. She was a beautiful spider-like lady with periwinkle purple skin, black hair that framed her slender face, and a sense of fashion that was absolutely delightful. Neither the extra eyes nor the fangs scared you as you had been working with monsters for too long to judge based on shallow things anymore - and the two extra pairs of arms just seemed useful to you. Did she have magic? And if so, what kind of magic? It would be rude to ask, wouldn't it? Maybe Sans knew?

“pick something.” 

Sans lazily gestured at the pastry display in front of you, and you quickly scanned your options. There was just so much – how could you possibly choose? So you randomly pointed before the silence would become too awkward and just hoped it would taste as great as it looked. Within the same minute both your and Sans' order had been put into a bag and handed to you, and, after an exchanging of goodbyes and smiles, you stood outside again.

“How much was it?”

“don't worry 'bout it.” 

You sighed, anxiety stirring in your stomach as you decided to give puns a go again. “Donut think I will let you get away with this.” 

His grin widened before he took a bite of his pastry and pointed at the cream inside. “ya gotta stop with those puns, buddy, or I might get fillings for ya.”

You got out one your own sweets, excitement starting to bubble inside of you as you noticed the blueberries in it, and tried to keep in a giggle as you held up the muffin. “Even if they are berry bad puns?” 

He laughed, loudly and genuinely. “butter stop to be sure.” 

You hated it, it was absolutely horrible, and yet your chest contracted in pure mirth and you couldn't stop your lips from twitching upwards. Your sense of humor had truly hit rock bottom, hadn't it? But, quite honestly, you couldn't care less. Your cheeks were hurting from trying to fight a grin and the world around you seemed just a tad more colourful than it had before, and you kind of liked it. This. Whatever it was. Was it friendship? Did Sans see you as a friend? Or was it just how colleagues interacted? It wasn't like you had much of a frame of reference, having had only a few distant colleagues and friends-in-name only, and your friendship with Alphys was completely without puns, but it wouldn't hurt to keep this going, right? It was like the exchanging of puns in the coffee shop this morning; causing warmth to flow through you and your heart to swell in glee.

“I cannoli hope the damage hasn't already been done.” You hid your grin by quickly taking a bite of your muffin and hiding your mouth behind your hand, trying not to choke in a giggle as Sans let out another laugh. Strange, how quickly you had warmed up to him. 

 

Once everything of the strange yet delightful choice of dinner had been devoured, the two of you returned to the lab. After thirty minutes the two of you had set up different kinds of cameras and measuring equipment, and the experiment was ready to start. 

“so what do you want me to do?” He stepped onto the spot marked with tape.

“Here-” you set a cup on the table next to him, “- lift this with your telekinesis.” 

You closely watched your laptop as the data piled up on the screen. Next, you filled the glass with water and stuck a thermometer and pH meter in it, before asking him to do the same thing again – but the results showed nothing. Half an hour of testing later, and you let out a disbelieving huff. 

“No change in temperature, no change in gravitational pull, nothing - absolutely nothing!” You scanned the numbers again and sighed. “It's like it doesn't even exist.” 

The skeleton came to peer over your shoulder and look at the results himself, but he reached the same conclusion. “maybe we're looking at it from the wrong angle.” 

“We tried so much, what other angle could there possibly be?” 

He hummed in thought. “how 'bout we try a different kind of magic first?”

“You have more than one kind of magic?” You spun the chair around to look at your colleague, eyes wide and curious. “What else can you do?” 

“quite a few things, actually. me and my bro can conjure bones, which is probably a skeleton sorta thing, then there are the gaster blasters, teleportation, and the ecto-stuff, so yeah-” 

“So much?! Wait, is that common? For a monster to have so many different kinds?” Maybe you were making a big deal out of something completely normal? But Sans proved you wrong by shaking his head and your excitement rose again. 

“don't think so. there's only one other i know of that has more than two different types.” He shrugged.

You stared at him, studied him, his skull and the pinpricks of light in his eye sockets. If he was one of the only monsters with this many kinds of magic, would he still be the right person for your experiments? You didn't necessarily need someone representative for the whole of monsterkind, but if he was so very exceptional... 

“hey uh, pal?”

You left the world of your thoughts and focused your eyes again, only to see how a soft cerulean had crept onto your colleague's cheeks.

“you're kinda freaking me out with all the staring.” 

It wasn't the whole truth – far from it – but he didn't dare to speak it out loud. You had looked at him with curiosity sparkling in your eyes, fascination saturating the colour of your irises; had anyone ever looked at him like that? Had anyone ever wanted to know more about him like you did? It was strange, in a way, but... also quite welcome, somehow, even if it was only aimed at his magic and approached from a scientific point of view.  
He could at least be of some use for once in his damn life. 

Your eyes widened a bit at his statement and you quickly averted them, uttering a formal apology as your cheeks grew red in embarrassment – not even your mental walls could prevent you from gaining colour. You were cute, blushing like that, eyes aimed at the floor but switching as if you were unsure where to look, yet how could he think of you like that? It had only been a week since he had confessed his feelings to Her. Was this the rebound-phase? Or was laughing at his puns the only quality he needed in a person to fall in love with them? Then how could he ever be loyal to someone? Had it only been a crush, not love, then? Was this a crush as well or was friendship confusing him? Was it merely his relief for having someone to talk science with again?  
His thoughts ran wild and he couldn't stop them, couldn't stop the questions from forming, from growing, from _breeding_ into new ones inside of his skull, and it was maddening. 

You looked up at him again, noticeably making sure the eye contact wasn't too long, and smiled. “Anyway, that is – besides really cool – very useful. We will have enough to work with for a while, so let's start with the first thing you mentioned.” 

And so he was distracted from his thoughts for a while again, conjuring bones and allowing you to run every test the two of you could possibly think of, until the clock struck ten and an alarm sounded from the pocket of your lab coat.

You grabbed your phone and turned it off. “I have to go home to feed Noodles,” you pulled off your lab coat and hung it on the rack, “but at least we have something to work with for now. There's still a few things I want to test your attack on, to see how much damage it can do, but we will have to do that next Saturday.” You neatly put your notebooks into your bag and turned to face your skeleton colleague, smiling bright. “I'm already looking forward to it.”

Sans smiled back, feeling his Soul brighten for a moment. You looked forward to seeing him again, to working with him again, and it made him happier than he wanted to admit – until he realised what you had said and laughter crept into his baritone voice. “...noodles?” 

“Oh- uhm, my cat. Found her as a stray, eating old noodles in an alley.” He loved how a soft pink crept onto your cheeks again, the little smile pulling at your lips and the fond, almost nostalgic look in your eyes as the memories probably played inside your mind again.

“i could give ya a ride home?” He hated himself for offering it, but secretly hoped you would accept. 

Your eyes widened. “You mean... teleportation?” And your face lit up when he nodded. “That would be amazing! I mean, if it doesn't cost you too much energy and if it really isn't a problem, of course.” 

“it's fine. Here,” he extended a hand, trying to ignore how the pulse of his magic increased ever so slightly in anticipation, “where do you live?”

You studied it in confusion for a second before you realised what he meant and gingerly lay your hand in his, watching how his phalanges curled around your fingers and tightened their grip. “In the woods, just outside the city. It's not far.” 

Your hand was so warm, your skin so soft, and he couldn't hide his blush - especially when he stepped forward and lay his other hand on the small of your back. You were so close that the faint, sweet smell of sweat mixed with your shampoo reached him, and his breath hitched. He shouldn't have suggested this - yet there was no going back. 

“don't let go.”

“I won't,” you whispered back, and when he glanced at your face your blush made butterflies tingle in his nonexistent stomach. He quickly teleported.

-For a moment everything was black.-

He held his hand on your back for a little bit longer than what was necessary and he hated himself for it, hated himself for loving how your hand felt anxious yet determined on his shoulder, how your eyes were wide and lively and your cheeks tinted red, how you dared to show your feelings around him now, and how your warmth seemed to push away the cold of depression. 

“we're here.” 

Both of you let go, and both of you set a step back. 

“This is amazing-” You glanced around and a disbelieving smile took control of your lips, your fascination and excitement obvious, before turning back to him with the same, utterly honest expression. “ _You_ are amazing!” 

And his Soul quivered. He could feel it brighten for a moment, butterflies stirring again, and he hated himself so thoroughly because how could this possibly be real? How could he get over Her so quickly? He didn't want to- this wasn't right-  
He needed to leave. 

“thanks kid, but i gotta go. See ya next saturday!” 

And he fled like the coward he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


	6. An Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rule number six: keep your secrets to yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to make my next upload a chapter of the Afterstory, but it might be this fic again.  
> Thank you for your patience!

You stood silently for a moment, caught in a daze as you stared at the hand he had been holding. You hadn't had much time to examine it this time either, but you had been able to pay attention to how smooth his bone was, how unusually warm, and even how it was almost like no edge was ever truly hard or sharp. He was fascinating, both mentally and physically. How was it that he could laugh – genuinely, loudly – while his Soul was in such a fragile state? How could it be that he appeared to be fine, when he definitely wasn't? Yet.... today it had seemed like his casual behaviour had been quite natural – maybe a bit restrained, but still comfortable. 

And you had been able to make him laugh again. 

Strange, how something so silly could make your heart glow. You were worried that it would start to distract you from your experiments after a while, though, and that you might make stupid mistakes that could have been avoided simply by paying attention. Was it wise to continue like this?  
Your chest contracted painfully at the thought of turning back to your distant, cold self again, who didn't allow herself to laugh or even just to feel. Interesting. Hadn't you been so convinced that feeling things would only get you hurt? Then why did you not want to stop? Did you want to get hurt? Were you a masochist? 

You shook yourself loose from your daze and wandered to the kitchen, finally paying attention to the mewling cat that had been rubbing its body against your leg. You really needed to stop over-thinking things – it would only complicate matters further. Maybe you could just see this as an experiment: you would allow yourself to feel and laugh and share puns with your colleague and your colleague only, either until your theory of getting hurt was proven to be correct or until you made an error in your precise and well-organised work. It was valuable to test theories every once in a while. 

You nodded to yourself, placed the bowl of cat food on the ground, and slid your back down the kitchen counter until your bum hit the floor and you could absently pet Noodles while she devoured her dinner. Sometimes, as a human being, you just needed to ignore certain input. Like how you had felt comforted by the pressure of a hand on the small of your back, or how you had liked the gentle musk that had 'Sans' written all over it. How his warmth had soothed your loneliness. How his blush had made you blush as well. How his grip had been strong yet gentle. 

Okay, this was definitely not 'ignoring certain input'. 

You sighed and hit the back of your head against the counter, hard enough to startle the cat but soft enough for it not to be painful. Was this... Were you attracted to him?

This was not good. 

Not only was he your patient, he was, however complementary it might be, also your tutor. But maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly – maybe the sudden amiable closeness had confused you, or maybe you were still just excited to finally learn about magic. It was probably nothing to worry about. Friends and colleagues also enjoyed to make each other laugh, and they didn't experience romantic or sexual attraction to each other – so why would you come to the conclusion that you did? You shook your head. No, this was just your weary brain playing tricks on you. Next Saturday you would see that it was merely the unusual feeling of having a like-minded friend that made you doubt yourself. For now, you just needed to rest, to give yourself a break from everything, and so you readied yourself for bed and called it a day. You would deal with thinking about this again in the morning. 

 

But when morning came you postponed it even further. It was not of importance, you convinced yourself as you made breakfast. It was no use to analyse your behaviour without more examples, you told yourself as you formed balls of cookie dough and gently pressed them into flat disks on the tray. There was no need for you to think about it, you thought as you got them out of the oven half an hour later and carefully placed them in a Tupperware box. 

Yet when you left the house you realised you had constantly been thinking about not thinking about it. 

How could one person throw your mind into such maddening spirals of thought? How could one guy fascinate you so much while confusing you at the same time? Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you had had more friends, or if you had had a relationship at least once in your life, you thought bitterly; but a gentle sadness washed over you afterwards. Sure, your younger self made you cringe, but had you truly been that unlikeable? Unlovable? Then... how about now?  
Your face scrunched up in a frown that was almost painful. No, no one could possibly fall in love with a girl that pushed away her feelings like you did. But it was okay. You were not made for relationships. It was a fact you had long since accepted, and it would only get in the way of your studying anyway. You were better off alone. 

The door swung open only moments after you had rung the bell, and Undyne's massive grin welcomed you before you were swept up in a hug so tight it felt like your bones were close to breaking. 

“GOOD MORNING, NERD!” 

She nearly carried you inside and slammed the door shut with such force the whole wall vibrated. “Alphys is still getting ready! She can't wait to show you, especially since I don't want to look before the actual wedding, y'know. It will be anime-themed and there will be flowers and swords and spears and lots of cake! I'm sure you will like it too.” 

The combination of a wedding and swords was... eccentric, to say the least, but it didn't really surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was the last thing she said. 

“Wait, I'm invited?” 

“Of course you are! We haven't made any official invites yet, and I don't exactly know when we will make them – but we will!” She sat you down on the couch. “Asgore will be there, and the kid, Toriel, the boneheads, Grillby and his girlfriend, the dogs; pretty much anyone but Jerry.” She counted them on her webbed fingers, her large grin still present. 

“Ah yeah, good call about Jerry.” The both of you solemnly nodded, but before Undyne could continue her rambling a soft voice called from the adjoining room. 

“H-hey, uhm, I'm ready?” 

“I'm coming!” You stood and sent a last smile at the beaming fish lady, before disappearing though the door. 

And there she was. Her white, ball gown wedding dress hugged her chest beautifully and gently flared out at her waist, lace running over her yellow shoulders with tiny, pearl-like beads adorning it. A soft pink dusted her cheeks and her eyes sparkled like you had never seen before. 

“Alphys, you look amazing!” You moved closer to study the intricate design of the lace, only to move back again and take in the complete picture, a large smile wrinkling the corners of your eyes. “You are absolutely gorgeous. Undyne will fall in love with you like- like ten times as much as she already does!” You inwardly cringed at the absence of your knowledge about love, but Alphys didn't seem to notice and it was as if the radiance of her Soul protruded beyond her body. 

“I'm so glad you think so! I-I-I wasn't sure if I had made the right choice as there was no one to check, but I'm happy you like it! I really want to see Undyne in her suit but she doesn't want to show me yet.” 

“She's really traditional, huh?” You chuckled softly. “Don't worry, I just know she will be incredibly beautiful as well, just like you.” 

You and Alphys spent another hour just taking pictures and talking about her plans for the wedding, until an impatient Undyne knocked on the door and asked when the two were going to come out again. The dress was neatly put away and hidden out of sight again, and a few moments later you served the couple your cookies and some tea. 

“These are delicious!” Alphys took another bite while Undyne shoved about three of them into her mouth at the same time, munching violently. 

They were so different, yet they fit so well together. You had heard the story of how they had met about a thousand times already, since Undyne brought it up whenever possible, but you never grew tired of it; or of them. Monsters were so much kinder than humans. Sometimes you wished you could have been born a monster, kind, open, warm; yet then there was all the oppression and the disadvantages of being a minority and being hated by many, mostly out of fear and misunderstanding. That wasn't really something you wished anyone to experience.

All you could really do to help was to invalidate that fear and clear up those misunderstandings through your studies and through your work, but otherwise you were useless. If your experiments on magic didn't result in answers and take away some of the unknown, it wouldn't have any impact whatsoever, and people would just go on fearing that which they knew nothing of. And even if your work produced something concrete, would they even listen? Would anyone listen? Would it even benefit monsters in the slightest? 

“Watcha thinking about, punk?” Undyne watched you curiously, before her one eye grew slightly larger and a big grin appeared on her face. “Are you falling for the bonehead?”

“What- no, I was thinking about work-” 

“But you're working with Sans now, too, right?” 

“Well, yes, but-” 

“Is he your type? Do you like him? Does he fulfill all your science-y needs?” She was sitting at the edge of her seat now, slightly bent forward and eye sparkling with interest. 

“What- I'm- eh?” You didn't get a single sensible word out of your lungs and into the conversation. Her questions were like a hurricane blowing away your ability to think clearly, and there wasn't much you could do about it. 

But her glance turned a bit softer. “C'mon, we're your friends; you can tell us.” 

“It would be highly unprofessional to develop feelings for someone who is simultaneously my patient and my tutor.” 

“But DID you?” 

“Attraction is not the same as feelings.” Fuck. Wrong thing to have said. 

Alphys let out a high-pitched noise that you had come to describe as the sound of fangirling, and dread settled in your stomach as you knew what was about to happen. And you were right. At the same time, at an incredibly loud volume, the two of them shouted the same sentence:

“I SHIP IT!” 

You sighed. 

“Guys-” 

“So what do you like about him, hm? Please don't say his humor – anything but that.” 

Glancing over to Alphys you knew she wouldn't help you. If anything, she would just make it worse, so you turned back to her fiancee. What should you answer? You didn't even really know it yourself. Sure, you liked his passion for science, his smile, his touch, his magic; and yes, you liked his humor, but was that truly something you could blame your attraction on? Maybe you just had weird kinks or something. A grimace spread on your face. How did one even have intercourse with a skeleton, seeing as he had no reproductive organs? Shit, why were you thinking about this? 

“I'm not sure whether I am truly attracted to him or not. It could just be friendship confusing me.” 

“T-then think about how he makes you feel, and i-if you would feel the same if it was Undyne or me instead of Sans in a similar situation,” Alphys supplied. 

You smiled awkwardly. You really didn't want to think about that, if you had to be honest with yourself, because you were rather sure of the outcome. “Anyway, even _if_ it turns out to be attraction, it's not something I can simply act on. Not just because I have no idea how, but also because it's extremely inappropriate.” 

“Only if he doesn't like you back!” Undyne's smile was so wide you wondered if it wasn't painful; but to you it were her words that hurt. 

Because they contained hope. 

How could you hope for him – for anyone – to like you romantically? Would he not grow tired of you after a while? Wouldn't it ruin your growing friendship and wouldn't it take away the ability to just be casual around each other, like you craved? 

“Hey.” 

You looked up, answering Undyne's kind gaze. 

“Don't worry too much, okay? We'll help you.” 

You frowned. “With what?” 

“Making him like you, of course!” 

All the colour drained from your face. “N-no that won't be necessary-” 

But she didn't listen to you anymore and had instead turned her attention to Alphys, with whom she was now energetically discussing their tactics. You sat as if frozen. 

 

What in the world had you gotten yourself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


	7. A Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are... Are these rules necessary?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took ages. I completely lost myself in my LokixReader fic, but now that I've got enough chapters for that one to keep uploading regularly for another month I can finally focus on this one again - if I find the inspiration, that is. I feel a bit stuck at the moment, but I'm just gonna keep pushing and gonna keep writing until I find the freaking plot. I will not give up on you, dear readers!

Alphys and Undyne had immediately started plotting their little schemes and you had taken it as your cue to leave, forgetting your box with the leftover cookies in your hurry to do so. Oh well, they could have them, you would get the container back later; but for now you just had to get home and prepare for the early arrival of the apocalypse - because that was exactly how this was going to end up. 

You sighed, moving a hand through your already tousled hair as you walked into the woods that shielded your cottage from the outside world, the shade swallowing you. Whatever they were planning, you would just have to ignore them and continue with your life – how hard could it be? 

Very hard. It proved to be very, _very_ hard. 

The next morning your feet brought you to the coffee shop on the way to work, and as soon as you saw that familiar, lazy grin, their conspiring words came surging back up. Had they told him? Not that there was much to tell, of course, seeing as you didn't have feelings for him and greatly doubted that you truly were attracted to him, but you didn't doubt Alphys and Undyne would exaggerate – and not just a tiny bit, either. So you studied the skeleton with caution as you moved over to the counter, searching for any signs that the damage had already been done. 

 

He felt the hesitation creep into his eyes as you warily made your way over to him. Was something wrong? You scanned his face like you could see the secrets swirling beneath the bone, like you were waiting for them to burst free – yet it was different from your scientific curiosity. Was his teleportation the cause of this change in behaviour? He still played those moments in his head, over and over and over again, to try and figure out what to feel and what to think of it. And maybe for different reasons, too - though he didn't dare acknowledge them. Had it upset you, after all? 

_This is amazing-_ you _are amazing!_

The words still rang clear inside his mind, as if you had spoken them only moments ago. You had seemed fascinated, excited, eyes wide in awe, a genuine smile on your lips – had you changed your mind? Had you given it more thought, like he had done, and seen his mistake in offering to take you home?

The moment he had fled, the moment he had teleported to his room, and for hours and hours afterwards, there had only been two words echoing through his skull:  
_Coward. Coward. Coward. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor._  
How could this be happening? How could he be this disloyal? He had been in love with Her, how could he look you in your eyes and know that he might very well fall for _you_? He had only barely managed to keep his magic under control as he had cried and cried, phalanges pressing against his skull as if to push through and extinguish the agonizing thrumming of his thoughts. His throat had been hoarse from bellowing his frustration, his back stiff from the fetal position in which he had lain for the rest of the night, cradling himself like a fucking child. Pathetic. Everything about him was pathetic. His weak-ass Soul, his infantile behaviour, his array of underpaid jobs – it was all worth shit. 

Some of his thoughts must have shown, because worry crept into your gaze and pushed away the caution. Worry – genuine worry. Why would you care? Why would anyone care? _He_ certainly didn't-

“Good morning.” 

He blinked, mind suddenly blank. “good morning.” 

A few seconds of silence. Then, before his thoughts could start to haunt him again: “Could I have a cappuccino to go, please?” 

Your voice quiet but confident, gaze warmer than what you usually allowed around others. Did you... Was this your way of helping him? You couldn't know what was on his mind, even though some of it might have slipped into his expressions, but then why did it feel like you had just saved him from spiraling back into the darkness that had deeply buried its talons in him again since Saturday evening? 

 

He turned around to get your order ready, and you studied his back. He had seemed... hurt. Troubled. You had recognised the look in his eyes – recognised it from moments you had studied your own gaze in the mirror. There was chaos inside his mind, you knew it, could see it; chaos and despair and darkness and pain. You had seen the very manifestation of it when he had ripped his Soul from his chest. 

You watched his movements: purposeful, calculated, yet slightly tense. Could it be that, behind his puns and smiles, he was broken? Cracked, like that dull, greyish, inverted heart? Your chest contracted ever so slightly, an ache spreading beneath your sternum. Everything, all the damage, it had been there before the seizure. You hadn't allowed yourself to think too much about it in fear of your curiosity going too far, and soon other things had swept the speculations away to make room for more pressing things; but it had been there, you realised as much. And you had already known he hadn't been quite all right, but you had forgotten - his laugh had made you forget. How could you forget? 

Suddenly you realised his humour was most likely a strategy of distraction: something to cling to, to keep him sane - or at least to keep up the pretense of sanity. And so you moved a finger over the side of the smooth counter top, following a line in the polished wood, and hesitated only a few moments before you spoke. 

“You seem to have a latte on your mind.” 

An invitation. You were here for him, if he wanted to talk. You had recognised a bit of yourself in his glance, so perhaps there was a way in which you could offer support. Not that you really knew how - hell, you couldn't even take care of yourself; but you could try, even if there was only a small chance of success. Because that is what friends did, right? Offer trust and support? A shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen? Because yes, damn it, you wanted to be his friend. You wanted to laugh with him and joke around with him and feel less fucking empty for once in your damn life. 

 

He froze.  
You were... You were offering your help. Offering to listen. Had you thrown away your embarrassment? Your confusion? Did you choose to ignore how he was both a patient and a tutor to you? Or had you seen – felt - similarities between the two of you like he had? He didn't know whether to turn around or not.  
The last bit of brown liquid poured into the cup and the whirring machine went silent again, taking away the opportunity to properly figure out how to respond. He had heard the pun, of course, but he had also heard the softness, the kindness – and he knew you didn't expect him to speak about what was bothering him, knew that he could turn down the offer without risking anything. 

Did he want to talk about it? Not about the fact that he might fall for you if he wasn't cautious, of course – but the other things. Her. His past. His... state of mind. You had seen his Soul, and he knew the curiosity would devour you from within. But could he really open up to you? To you, who he had met only days ago? You, who didn't even dare show her own feelings most of the time? He didn't know. Fuck, he really didn't know. 

With feigned casual laziness he turned around and handed you your order. “i'm fine, pal; no need for tea and sympathy.” He winked. A gentle turn-down. 

You merely gave and understanding smile in return, and for a moment some kind of sadness and disappointment settled where his heart would have been. Part of him wanted to tell you - someone, _anyone_ \- about the time lines and the heartbreak and the constant pull of depression and darkness and the things that would have driven him mad if it hadn't been for his brother, for his friends. The only things keeping him alive. But he didn't want you to carry the weight of that knowledge, or the pain. 

You paid, turned, made your way to the exit, but hesitated before opening the door just like you had done two days ago. This time, however, you turned around. 

“I'll see you on Saturday, then.” 

“yeah, see ya on saturday, kid.” 

There was relief in your eyes before you turned around and left. Had you just silently made him promise not to kill himself? To stay alive at least until Saturday? Or was he looking too far into it, and had it only been a polite goodbye? He stared into the direction you had left for another few minutes, the ticking of the clock the only sound in the empty coffee shop. 

 

Alphys' and Undyne's words came back every morning for the rest of the week, when you entered the little café and provided the skeleton with your order; but never did he reveal whether they had told him about their suspicions at all. You were beginning to doubt that they would. Maybe they knew how it could hurt you, and were wise enough not to meddle. You didn't know. And, after a while, you stopped caring. 

Because sometimes you would catch glimpses of his slumped shoulders through the windows, or spot the sorrow in the light that made up his eyes – even though you had no idea how you could read them. And every morning you would take part in a short conversation, always mixing in some puns. He seemed to be grateful for it. 

On Wednesday he knew around what time to expect you, and on Friday he informed you of the new blends you might like. It quickly became some sort of rhythm, or maybe even a tradition. 

That next Saturday he even showed up with a cup of coffee for both of you, and the two of you drank in comfortable silence before starting another evening of thorough studying, experimenting, and discussing. Every test the two of you could think of, every equipment within the facility to use. When there was nothing about his telekinesis that you could test in the lab anymore, the both of you decided to go get something to eat first and afterwards move to the next type of magic Sans possessed: the conjuring of bones. 

But he didn't take you to Muffet's Parlor again. Instead, you followed him outside, to the field behind the facility, sat down next to him, and watched him as he took a Tupperware box from the bag he had brought along; together with two plastic plates and forks. Your curiosity only grew when he opened the lid and the distinct smell of spaghetti reached your nostrils. 

“paps made me promise i would give you some of his spaghetti.” 

You couldn't help the little smile from pulling onto the corners of your lips as he filled your unsteady, wobbling plate. A glimpse at a side of him you hadn't really seen before: the caring sibling, who honoured his promises to his younger brother. 

“i made sure it's safe to eat, by the way.” 

The smile only tugged harder. You had listened to Alphys rant about it before, about the birthdays and the celebrations to which the tall skeleton always brought his spaghetti – no exceptions – only to force people to eat it by being the pure cinnamon roll he was. No one dared to hurt his feelings, even if it meant enduring food poisoning for most of the morning afterwards. She had gained a sickly green colour merely talking about it. 

_”He certainly has improved, but a-a-avoid his cooking at all costs!”_

Still, you took the plastic plate from Sans, and twisted your fork through the noodles. Even if Papyrus wasn't here, and even though you barely knew him, you still felt like you would hurt him by not taking at least one bite – and, of course, Sans had made a promise. Besides, if it was safe to eat, as he claimed, then surely it couldn't be that big of a deal?

Wrong. 

The moment the sauce touched your tongue tears sprung up in your eyes and your oesophagus clenched shut, as if to prevent the stuff from reaching your stomach. Sans chuckled, gingerly slapping your back as you forced yourself to swallow and surrendered to a coughing fit. 

“heh, sorry kid. he's still got a long way to go.” 

But he had prepared for this, and took out a second, somewhat larger container – opening the lid to reveal still-warm hot dogs resting in fresh-looking buns. He grinned as your shaking hand took one and shoved it far into your mouth. You were brave for trying his brother's cooking, he gave you that.  
Then the sky caught his attention, and he quickly rummaged through his bag again before taking out two pairs of binoculars and, after checking the filters, handed one to you. But you met his gaze, and his breath hitched. 

There was confusion in your eyes, lingering tears making them shimmer in the evening sun, and you were beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. 

He shifted his attention to his own pair of binoculars before hateful thoughts got the change to drown him again and checked the filters on those as well, before glancing at you one more time and pointing at the sun by way of explanation. Obviously still a bit confused you set the equipment to your eyes and aimed them at the sun -

and only a few moments later the solar eclipse began.

The two of you watched the moon creep slowly in front of the massive star, blocking out the light, the warmth, and a shiver ran over your spines when black enveloped all and everything around you; all except a single halo of diffused white. 

A few minutes passed.

The celestial body retreated. Light was released from the darkness, colour returned, and he glanced sideways – at you. Your muscles were tense with excitement, lips parted in admiration, and your hands held the binoculars with such force your knuckles turned white as if you didn't trust your body to keep it still, to keep it upright, and as if you feared you might miss a single moment if your fingers faltered. Even when the moon had fully passed you kept them aimed at the sky for another few seconds. He, however, feared the moment you would turn around, the moment your sparkling eyes would meet his, the moment you would beam your smile at him and thank him for showing him something so beautiful-

and when you finally did, when you finally turned around, with that gaze, that smile, his Soul contracted and quivered with such force that he felt like ripping it out and ending it – breaking it, shattering it, if only to stop the feeling. If only to stop himself from falling for you.

 

You handed back the gadget and wiped a stray tear away – not one of pain or sadness, but one of beauty. Never had something made you cry by the sheer beauty of it, and yet here you sat; with your bum on the soft grass behind the facility, the warmth of the coming summer keeping the evening cold at bay, the taste of hot dogs on your tongue, and cheeks itching ever so slightly. 

You felt alive. You felt more alive than you had felt in years. 

It was so overwhelming that you had to lie down, had to lower your back onto the ground out of fear that more salty water might escape your eyes. And when you took in a deep breath, it shook.  
Sans didn't say anything. You didn't dare speak either. He lowered himself onto his back as well, following your gaze to the sky painted in reds and oranges, and the two of you lay in silence for seconds. Minutes. Hours. Reds turned to purples, oranges to dark blues, until the night took over. 

And, one by one, the stars seemed to ignite above your heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Hit me up on my blogs!  
> http://feelingwonderfultoday.tumblr.com/  
> http://foruneyti.tumblr.com/


	8. A Morning

You let out a sleepy hum as something tickled your nose and you forced your eyes further shut, blocking out the diluted light that gently tried to coax you awake. No dreams, no nightmares; just a full night of sleep. You wanted it to last longer. Yet even though the pillow was soft and the blanket warm, the cool morning breeze nipped at your cheeks as if to scold you for ignoring it. Wait-

Your eyes flew open and you let out a little sneeze caused by the tickling grass, before pushing yourself up and staring down the field that ran towards the tree line. Morning dew glittered through the remnants of the mist and the beauty of it caught you off-guard for a moment – before you realised once more that you were outside. Your eyes lowered to the thick blanket covering you shoulder to toes, before you turned your head and scanned the pillow donning the same cerulean blue. Then, finally, you glanced to the side, to see Sans lazily smiling at you. 

Your surprise fell as you tried to shoot him a look. “You know, a sane person would have awoken me so that I could have gone home and sleep on a proper bed instead of leaving me out in the weather.” But there was no bite to your voice, only amusement, and it even surprised you yourself that such a tone could still lace your words. 

“good morning to you too, kid.” A wink to finish it off. Then his expression softened, however, and he sounded more genuine as he continued, “i wanted you to know that the stars would still be there if you woke up during the night - but you slept like a baby.” 

Silence fell as you stared at him for a moment, something tugging on your heart. You would have loved waking up underneath the bare universe, the shimmering stars and the dark yet colourful void in which they sat, and it would have reassured you in more way than one. It... It was as if he knew you better than you knew yourself. 

 

He could feel the blue creep onto his cheeks at your tender glance – no one had looked at him like that before, no one – and he tried to ignore how your voice sounded slightly hoarse from sleeping as you uttered a soft 'thank you'. 

You had looked so peaceful, so at ease. Even though the monster district was the safest part of town he hadn't dared to fall asleep himself, lest someone came with the intent to harm you, and had only permitted himself to teleport home and back to get his blanket and pillow before you could start shivering. He had had the opportunity to study your features, pushing away thoughts like _creep_ and _weirdo_ because it had been to keep an eye on you, to watch over you, to keep you safe – at least, that was what he told himself. He knew they were just weak excuses.   
He hated himself for it. 

And as he had watched you he had begun to doubt. Was it really that wrong falling for you? Still, it had only been a little over two weeks since his confession to Her. Could he really let go of that and fall in love so easily again? So soon? His thoughts had been rather kind to him this time, and he had wondered whether it was your serene expression that soothed them. He knew that monsters loved rather easily and very thoroughly – both a blessing and a curse, mostly the latter in his case – and he knew that most humans did not; and that, even though he might fall for you, you might never return the feeling. Was it worth falling in love again, only to be gently turned down once more? You were obviously already uncomfortable with him being both a patient and a tutor to you, so what would you do if he confessed he might like to be even more than that? 

He didn't know whether he could handle the rejection. Those pills Alphys had made for him were no longer an option – not after nearly dropping a microwave on your head during his seizure. He had seen the cuts, the bruises, the bandages around your fingers and the linen around your arm that evening he had come back for the examination of his Soul. He had caused that. He had hurt you. Could he ever do something right in his life? His thoughts threatened to darken again. He needed- he needed to say something, to distract himself-

“anyway, it might be best to go wash your face before you go home.” 

 

You frowned. Wash your face? You moved a hand over you chin, cheek – until your finger found something slightly sticky under your eye. Red, with a distinct smell of tomatoes... 

Ketchup. 

Your frown only deepened as you found another ring of condiment around your other eye – until you spotted the binoculars and it snapped into place. Your mouth fell open in a semi-offended smile.

“You utter _bonehead_ -” 

“language.” His grin was of shit-eating size. 

You shot him a glare, but couldn't keep it up for long as a giggle escaped your lungs and so you resorted to rubbing your fist over your eye; only to let out a frustrated sigh when it only seemed to spread it out further and the sauce now lightly coated your fingers as well. 

“I might just smear this on your bed sheets, just to fulfill my need of revenge.” 

“i could help you fulfill other needs as well.” 

You froze. He froze. He teleported away only to return not a heartbeat later, a box of fresh hot dogs in his hands. Breakfast – he meant breakfast. You willed your stomach to stop twisting and took one of the sausage-enveloping buns to swiftly push the thoughts away, hoping that the ketchup was still the only red on your cheeks. 

 

Why had he said that? _Why?_ There were so many things he could have said, so many puns, and yet his mind decided to say _that_? He could only hope you thought he meant the food, or that it was one of his jokes. He truly was set on destroying everything, wasn't he? _Fuck_.   
But when he dared glance at you again you had focused your eyes on the trees, the grass, sometimes switching to the sky as you nibbled on your food. It was difficult to keep in his relieved sigh. He was safe – for now. 

 

Although the choice of breakfast was... questionable, you found yourself thoroughly enjoying the moment. Sure, there was a slight nip in the air, and yes, there was ketchup on your face; but the way the mist swirled over the grass, blocked out some of the harshness of the rising sun... It was peaceful. The breeze and the songs of the early birds were the only sound that reached your ears, like the two of you existed in a dimension without others. You didn't think you would hate that. 

Was this... Was he your friend now? It was strange, but you realised you had never really felt any authority from him, nothing that indicated he was to tutor you and therefore stood above you. He acted more like a colleague, sharing his knowledge on a different field, seeing you as a like-minded peer instead of a pupil. You wondered if he felt the same. Would he mind, if you called him your friend? You _wanted_ to call him your friend sometime, when the situation arose – it was like that one word, spoken aloud, could fill a bit of the void inside of you. Alphys was your friend, and in some way Undyne was, too, but it felt different from this. From watching a solar eclipse together and fall asleep underneath the stars, laughing together over a terrible exchange of puns, talking about science like it mattered more than anything else in the world. It was just different, somehow. Nice different. 

 

When all hot dogs had been devoured you neatly folded his blanket and lay it atop his pillow, so he could teleport both that and the rest of his stuff home in one go. He returned in mere seconds, and the both of you walked back into the building to put away the equipment you had used the day before. He waited for you to clean your face first.  
There was an amiable silence as the two of you worked together and around each other in a fluid rhythm that whispered of natural cooperation, yet you didn't allow yourself to analyze it too much out of fear you would trip and break that very rhythm into pieces. But you didn't, and within an hour all had been returned to its rightful place. 

“i guess i'll see you tomorrow, huh?” He brushed some dust from his sleeve and turned around to meet your gaze. 

But you couldn't help yourself as you blurted out: “Are we friends?” 

He froze for the second time today. Oh no, you fucked up. What if he didn't even want to be friends? What if he _did_ see you as a pupil instead of a colleague? You should apologise, try to make this less weird even though most of the damage had already been done, you should tell him to ignore your dumb question, tell him that you would see him tomorrow and that he should just forget-

“yeah. we're... we're friends.” 

You couldn't stop the relieved sigh from slipping past your lips, and as you closed your eyes to take in a deep, steadying breath, you missed how his eye sockets widened ever so slightly. Then, a genuine smile appeared on your face, and you met his gaze again. 

“I'm glad.” 

He seemed a bit shocked, taken aback, caught off-guard – all of it, until his expression softened. 

“see you tomorrow, pal.” 

And he teleported away. 

 

You closed up, locked the door, and walked home. The fog had cleared yet the city still slumbered, the streets were still vacant, but you didn't feel as alone. Didn't feel as empty. You doubted that this was the way to make friends and grimaced at your inexperience – you had thrown the question at him like some kind of desperate preteen, wishing for a positive answer like a child wishing for Santa to bring them a gift. It was cringe-worthy, but it had worked. Sans was your friend.

A giddy feeling inside your chest rose along with the realisation that you hadn't even thought about keeping your emotions hidden, your expression neutral and professional. You felt a bit more free, if that was how to describe it. Around friends you could be yourself, right? Well, sort of, of course; you weren't going to slap him in the face with the anxiety and bordering-on-depression sadness that haunted you daily. Although... From the things you had seen, in his eyes, his posture, the things you had recognised – he might very well feel the same. Maybe for different reasons (you actually weren't really sure if you had any reasons yourself) but similar nonetheless. 

Maybe, now that the status of your position had been confirmed, he would dare to talk about it. You had offered to listen and he knew that offer still stood – he must know, right? Maybe you should gingerly remind him of it sometime soon. Or maybe you should just keep up the light-hearted banter with puns thrown around like it was glitter, as it seemed to cheer him up no matter how bad or corny the jokes were. Perhaps you should play a harmless practical joke on him as well, to get him back for the ketchup-lined binocular one. To sate your need for revenge. 

_“i could help you fulfill other needs as well.”_

You grabbed the threshold to your home before you would double over or sink through your knees as you felt like you had just been punched to the gut, your stomach twisting and turning. You only vaguely remembered feeling like this before, but it was crystal clear as to what it meant: 

You were sexually attracted to a skeleton. _A skeleton._

It felt like your body had betrayed you. Because how, from a scientific point of view, could you feel attracted to someone of a different species that didn't even have the genitals for procreation? That didn't even have the features that most bodies were instinctively, biologically forced to search for in a possible partner? Okay, those theories might be a bit outdated, but it didn't change the fact that it was rather weird. Skeletons (and monsters in general) still scared a lot of people because they didn't fit in what they knew as natural, because there were fewer recognition points than one would like.   
Sure, you were an exception to that rule, because you had worked with them over the course of a year already, and though you had felt a bit anxious at first when they had surfaced, it had quickly been replaced with curiosity. But that couldn't be a valid excuse for your body wanting to get it on with a _skeleton_ , right? You couldn't even imagine how that would work! 

You slammed the door shut behind you and apologised to Noodles for startling her.   
Well, as long as it stayed with physical attraction and not emotional attraction, you guessed you would be able to cope. You were a grown woman, for heaven's sake, and a scientist at that! You could fight something as silly as this. 

 

...Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading! <3
> 
> Sorry this was such a short one. I'm not really sure about this chapter in general, but I'll leave it as it is or I might get stuck again. If you know what feels off about this one, please tell me! I'll try to make it right in the next few chapters. 
> 
>  
> 
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